19: Reclaiming your worth: Resilience, self-trust & rising after being told you’re “too much” with Becky Louise Smith
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Julie Francis (she/her) (00:00)
Hello and welcome to Holistic Chaos. I'm your host Julie. And today I am joined by Becky Louise Smith. I am so happy to have Becky here with us today. Becky is a survivor of domestic violence and an empower coach. I'm sorry, an empowerment coach who helps survivors reclaim their self-worth and love again. That is so powerful.
Becky Louise Smith (00:24)
Thank you very much. How's it going?
Julie Francis (she/her) (00:27)
It's going really well and I'm really excited to talk with you today. As anybody who's been a guest on the podcast knows, we always do little bit of banter before we begin recording the episode. And I just had a really wonderful time chatting with Becky and I know you all are going to love hearing Becky's perspective and what she has to share. So we're gonna dive right in. So we go deep.
Right in off the bat. So Becky, tell us what is the biggest what the f**k moment for you in midlife and how has it changed you?
Becky Louise Smith (01:04)
⁓
There has been so many. But probably recently, just before I turned 40, I was working for a company who really was not looking after me at all. And it's a pattern I've been in for a long time. And I was told that I needed to be more resilient. ⁓ I wasn't being treated very well for a very long time over a year. And despite the fact that I had tried to be
the nicest, genuine person, which I am, very respectful. My manager was not looking after me. And I remember being in the office with him one day and he was saying to me, you just need to be more resilient. And something kind of switched to me because I've experienced a lot of trauma. And because I was getting upset, he was telling me I wasn't resilient enough. And that for me, I was like, no, I've had enough now like to sit there. He knew some of my background, but to sit there and tell me I'm not resilient, I felt like I was kind of performing.
as a puppet of someone that didn't respect me, didn't care about me, was just, I was just like, this is far from anything I am. You can call me a few things. I'm a bit emotional, but I'm resilient is not something that you would use to describe me. In fact, I'm extremely resilient. So I was like, no, I've had enough. I'm going to go and work for myself. I cannot work for anyone else that doesn't care about me anymore. And that for me is when I decided to change my career and do what I'm doing now, because I'd had enough of it. Like the amount of times I've been told,
I'm not resilient because I cry. When women get told they're not resilient because they cry, it just angers me because we're like the strongest people ever. So I was like, no, that's it, I've had enough. And that's when I just switched it and I was like, I'm not doing this anymore. I'm going to work for myself and make a difference.
Julie Francis (she/her) (02:47)
Yes. yeah. That is, there are so many things to say on that. And one of them is that I speak to resilience a lot in my work and as I'm sure you do as well. And ⁓ when people associate resilience with people that can hold big feelings, what those types of people don't realize is that the most resilient people can hold the enormous spectrum of feelings.
the good, the bad, the ugly, the tormenting, that everything and still come out on the other side. And I just got goosebumps thinking about it because until you've experienced that, people don't know. And they just knee-jerk reaction to those comments. they're so hurtful to what we're creating in this world and what we can become if we actually do encounter one another with more compassion and empathy.
I think that for you to share that that was the moment and that that specific word was so triggering for you, I'm like, ⁓ yeah, I would have felt that way too.
Becky Louise Smith (03:59)
I was angry because I was like, I've just sat in a job for like a year and four months. can tell my angry from my face, but I've been in a job for 14 months where this, this, this person I was working with was just overbearing and my manager was not looking after me. And I was just like, it's just insulting to insinuate that I'm not resilient because I'm getting upset because you're not doing your job. And I was like, this is for me working for people that don't care. And obviously other aspects of my life, was like, I cannot take being in a
space where people don't care about me anymore. Like you just you can't label someone not resilient or not strong because they cry like it's ridiculous so it just made me angry so I was like I'm not not putting myself in this place anymore and it angers me when you're labeled weak because you cry and it's infuriating so as you can tell I'm like
Julie Francis (she/her) (04:50)
Yeah, yeah. And when you said like people like that, they're the strongest and the most powerful, you know, it's so true. and that, that kind of anger you're talking about, it comes from deep within, because I feel it, I'm feeling it in here too. It's like, it's like, ooh, you know, like rises within me and it just, yeah, it gets me.
Becky Louise Smith (04:56)
Yeah. Yes.
Because anyone
when you know when I think women as well, when you know women, they're like, I saw something I don't know you've heard of the program Fleabag, but there's a, as a scene where this woman is talking to another woman, she's saying women are born with pain and we are because we have to experience all of these things periods and hormones and we have to ride these hormone wave every single month, we don't feel normal from a very young age up until when we go through menopause and at the end so
Julie Francis (she/her) (05:28)
Yeah.
Becky Louise Smith (05:39)
to even insinuate that women are not resilient is insulting. And it angers me because I'm just like, it's just so rude and you don't, know, it's just so, yes, as you can tell that was, I was like, absolutely not. This is not happening anymore. So that for me, I was like, no.
Julie Francis (she/her) (05:54)
Yeah
So what did you do? What did you do in that moment or in coming weeks or months that really started to shift things for you?
Becky Louise Smith (06:11)
Well, I've worked for someone from the age of 15 up until this year and I was commuting. I was doing commuting. was like starting at five in the morning, getting back at nine at night, four days a week. I was doing so much work with little. I remember my boss telling me that the reason I got a bonus was because of them, which is absolutely insulting again. Like you did, I got a bonus because I'd worked hard, but
Julie Francis (she/her) (06:37)
I
Becky Louise Smith (06:40)
I'd got to the end of the job and I was like, I cannot be around anybody else that does not respect the fact that I'm working hard, I'm doing my best and you're still insinuating that I'm not resilient. So that probably May was when I decided to, I was going to change it. I just, literally had had enough. You know, when you get to the point when you're like, I cannot take any more of someone not caring about me.
Julie Francis (she/her) (07:06)
Yep.
Becky Louise Smith (07:07)
And that's when I decided I'm just going to do it for myself. And then that's when I decided I was going to help other women because I feel like we're often labeled so much and weak and is not a label that we should be given at all just because we are emotional. It's just, it's insulting and infuriating. So I was like, I'm going to go on and help other women realize that they are so much more than what people label them.
and that is okay to have loads of emotions, it doesn't mean you're weak. So that was it for me and that's what I'm doing now.
Julie Francis (she/her) (07:42)
Yeah.
Yeah, so tell us more about ⁓ when, like what kinds of things were you doing? I always think behind the scenes. So like, you're starting to, you you've shifted out of this work and you're shifting into supporting women in this way and supporting survivors. And how were you keeping yourself going during that transition? Because
For me, know personally that my business or my creative projects are always a propelling factor. They keep me going and stuff. And also that when managing other things in life, like I have to have something else usually to keep me inspired or going. So either is there something else or were you just like all in on your business?
Becky Louise Smith (08:43)
I've literally just gone all in on it. So for me, there's been lots of things that I've done up until this point as well. The healing processes is anything that I post about, it's messy. It's not a straight line. So having people around me that support me is something I've worked on for a long time now. So those people around me supporting me, my husband supporting me in my business and just putting everything into this. for me, I am also have, I get coaching as well that helps me as well.
everything that I do, everything that I am, is all around about does it protect my peace? Does it look after me? Am I respected? Am I loved? Is it with what makes me happy? And every aspect of my life has that and if it doesn't, then I don't stand for it. So that's how I've managed to go full into this because everything else I have around me that I've built in the meantime.
supports me in that. My husband, my friends, how I talk to myself, the coaching and everything else is like the final piece of the puzzle. That's why I feel so passionate about it because I've managed to build that and now I can help other women do that as well. So that's for me. That was the final bit. I knew I wanted to do it. I love women. I love my friends. I'm always trying to say to my friends if they ever speak, try to say one thing bad about themselves. I'm like, no, say something nice about yourself.
You're amazing, don't doubt yourself. So was like, if I can do this with my friends, I can do this with other women. So this is the final piece of the puzzle for me.
Julie Francis (she/her) (10:14)
Yeah, that's so like just hearing that what really is this inner strength and resilience that you just keep me like leaning into and that you've got this lens of questions that you ask where you're like filtering through like what's allowed to come with you on this journey and what's not. I love the questions that you ask yourself. They're amazing and I'm sure that's what you encourage your
your clients to do as well. like, um, during this, what has been, and actually I, I was not even going to ask you this question. I was going to ask you because I think I already know. Well, I know I'm going to, I'm going to ask you because I want to hear it in your words. Yeah. I want to hear it in your words. So like, I always like to ask what, like, what are you reclaiming during this time in your life? And I feel like,
Becky Louise Smith (10:57)
Go for it. Go for it.
Julie Francis (she/her) (11:11)
I have something, ideas of what you want to say, but you have such just a specific way of saying things that I would love to know. And yeah, I'll just leave that. I was going to say something else, but I'll just leave it at that.
Becky Louise Smith (11:24)
what I'm teaching my clients or as in what I'm doing.
Julie Francis (she/her) (11:27)
Like what
reclaiming in your own life through what you're doing now. So what is
One better way to ask it is like, what have you noted that you had lost along the way that you're reclaiming now?
Becky Louise Smith (11:42)
So like self-worth for me is a huge part because when you value yourself, you're unstoppable. So for me, the final piece of the puzzle for me was my job because everything else around me, I had complete self-worth in my friends, my family, my partner, things that I do for myself, like I don't really drink anymore, all of the things that I've chosen, but the final piece is self-worth and loving myself or, you know, that's what I teach. But I also say like,
fully stepping into your power. Like when you know your worth, and that's where I'm at, you step into your powerful, you are completely unstoppable. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks about you, you can say no to stuff and you can feel completely comfortable with it because you know it's not right for you. So stepping into your power and that is reclaiming yourself worth. And I say reclaiming because your worth was already there. It's just someone tried to strip you of it and then loving you again. So that's who you love but
Julie Francis (she/her) (12:37)
Yeah.
Becky Louise Smith (12:40)
loving yourself first. That's the person you love yourself. You love yourself always first and the rest comes with it.
Julie Francis (she/her) (12:48)
Yeah, and your story is a perfect example. You're like, I did all the work right up until this last thing. And then I was like, this job's got to go. This is it. This is what we got. Yeah. And now you've emerged into this totally new life chapter and are rocking it like completely. Like, that's awesome. it's... Thank you. Thank you.
Becky Louise Smith (12:56)
This is the last thing. Yeah.
Thank you. Same to you though.
celebrate
you right now you're doing this awesome podcast
Julie Francis (she/her) (13:17)
Thank you so much. Yeah, I am really excited about the community that we're building and the connection and like how the storytelling can connect people like, like just to end to feel witnessed or seen or not alone. Like it's so huge and we're often times are in it's hard to find those outlets. So thank you. So I appreciate that.
Becky Louise Smith (13:44)
Yes.
Julie Francis (she/her) (13:47)
⁓ The one thing I'm, so Wild Radiance Collective is our company and then our podcast is Holistic Chaos. So whenever I think about what is coming through for you from inside of you, so like we're talking about your inner radiance, your inner light, what keeps you going, it really sounds like you're like, this is my self-worth and my self-love and these are the things that really help.
keep you going. So how do you keep those going on your hard days or when things are really hard? Because I know that you're working with your clients and I know how wonderful it can be working with clients but then you know it can be really taxing. It can take a lot out of you because anytime you're coaching or of service you're giving. So what do you do to recharge and and keep those things going even if you know
you know, from the practical side of business, like sometimes, you know, there are slow launches or, know, no one's interested in the new offer or like, you know, when the thing that is propelling you forward, because I, I myself experienced this where your business is like the thing that is bringing you the joy and the light in your life. And also maybe it's not performing the way you want it to, ⁓ or wish it would like, how do you then.
refill your cup. If you were in just a moment where you're like, I can't do business today, I need to do something else to fill me.
Becky Louise Smith (15:18)
⁓ So I have like, I have clear things for me that work for me that are like non negotiables. And that's why I would say was talking to women, there's got to be some non negotiables in your life that you refuse to like let go of. So exercise for me, there are moments in the day that just, you know, because my business is very important to me and helping people are very important to me. But if I don't look after myself, then I can't give back. So there just are some non negotiables for me.
The vision for me and while I'm doing it will always keep me going because there are women that have, not just women, so many people that have survived this, for me, I just have to take moments out of my day each day, which is for me, I exercise for me. If that's what you mean, it's something that I will not give up. That's for me, my mental health, going out for a walk, just making sure I have time to eat and spend time with my loved ones. There isn't really much else I need.
because of my background of what I've had, very grateful and I will say gratitude for me. Gratitude is life changing when you just sit and be, and also, I don't know if you've heard of the power of now.
Julie Francis (she/her) (16:24)
I have, yeah.
Becky Louise Smith (16:25)
Yeah,
it's life changing for me. Like I have struggled with my thoughts for years of overthinking because I was just so panicky because I didn't always feel safe. But I now just sit in the now when you sit in the now and just be grateful for what you've got. The rest kind of doesn't feel as over overwhelming. And that's that's really what I practice just being grateful. I hope that's what you meant. I went off on a complete tangent.
Julie Francis (she/her) (16:49)
Yeah, you all that's beautiful.
Yeah, I know I, I asked these meandering questions sometimes because I don't, try to not to use words that are leading or suggestive. So I try to, I try to just create space for someone to be like, well, this is what's coming up for me. So I really love that you use the phrase non-negotiables and that is so important. Like just, um, holding yourself accountable for them.
or in reminding and being really intentional about having them, for me, exercise and working out is huge. I actually was recently telling people recently that now that I'm almost 41, that the number one reasons I exercise are for my mental health and for stress relief. That's...
huge and it's how I operate and continue going with everything else in my life. ⁓ whereas when I was younger, exercise used to be for so many different reasons and even sometimes... ⁓
Becky Louise Smith (17:54)
Exterior right? Exterior, how we look, like I don't know about you but
like when we're younger it's all about how we look and then when you get a bit older you're like this is longevity, this is to keep me going. Yeah, the priority chain.
Julie Francis (she/her) (18:04)
Yeah, this is preventative care and yeah, totally. And like
the scales tip and like, I remember when that was a harder, like I remember the time where I wasn't quite to where I am now and I wasn't really just in like the wanting to look good kind of way. Like I remember being in that Waffle-y space and the motivation to work out was actually harder.
because it wasn't such a clear line for me. yeah, non-negotiable for me is working out one of them for sure. And I think that ⁓ gratitude is amazing and it really simplifies things. It really just clearly shows you what you should be focusing on. It helps clear the clutter from the mind and focus on the things that are most important. So I can understand why that.
for is something you return to often. And I think that's a really good reminder. Actually, I think I needed this reminder today that, cause there's a couple of things I'm feeling a little grumpy about. And if I brought gratitude to them, I would probably feel even just better in my body. Like not, I'm not saying that the feeling about it won't go away, but just more compassionate towards myself, more compassionate towards the situation. And I needed that reminder.
Becky Louise Smith (19:28)
Being grateful, right, because I think also it's a good tool. you know, something someone said to me, the luxury of just waking up, you know, just waking up, being able to breathe and being able to move. These are things that we don't, you know, we take for granted. So, you know, if I wake up, I do something called the six minute diary. I do it in the morning and the evening. It's write down your three things you're grateful for, write down your affirmation and how you're going to go with your day with intention.
Julie Francis (she/her) (19:41)
Yes.
Becky Louise Smith (19:57)
But when you start to realize that you're in a, for example, for me, I'm in a safe home. I talk to people that are still that are real suffering in a domestic violence relationship. They're not able to get out. You've got women, single women, and not just women. I don't want to generalize. when you start to realize actually where you were also and where you are now, you can really start to find little moments of joy in your life instead of constantly thinking about what I should be doing more of or I'm not doing enough when actually, you know,
Julie Francis (she/her) (20:08)
Yeah.
Becky Louise Smith (20:28)
Just being grateful to be able to get up and breathe and walk is a wonderful thing to think about.
Julie Francis (she/her) (20:34)
Yeah, it's something we overlook all the time. And especially in this world we're living today, like being really grateful for that is huge. It's,
Becky Louise Smith (20:39)
100 % yeah. Yes.
Julie Francis (she/her) (20:48)
⁓ it makes you really stop and like, Whoa, like this is actually not. Yeah, it really does.
Becky Louise Smith (20:53)
Yeah, Yeah, yeah.
Julie Francis (she/her) (20:59)
When ⁓ you're working with your clients, what are some of the things you help them like when they're breaking through in like thoughts, patterns, whatever mindset, whatever their situation and what is the thing you most often tell people to like get them to
shift their perspective or take action or you know whatever the thing is that they need. What do you find that you say the most to people?
Becky Louise Smith (21:33)
So something I really like to do is because the women I work with or any women I've worked with, a lot of the thing is about self-worth, think, because we're just under a lot of pressure. I think, you know, we don't give ourselves a break. We don't realize how much we can do. I get my clients to think about their life as a story if they like don't believe in themselves. I go and get them to think of like, look at your life as a film. Imagine if you were watching this as a film.
and all this stuff that you've overcome, what would you think about that film as? And they're like, oh, wow, I guess I've, imagine like this emotional film you watched, main character is you, and you're seeing all this stuff you've achieved and you have overcome, and they might think that maybe I'm not, just don't feel like I'm doing enough. And you know, I remember I spoke to one woman, she's three kids and she's doing a job, I was like, what would you think about that film? She'd be like, oh, amazing, exactly. And they're like,
Oh my God, I'm amazing. I'm like, yes. Then once they realize that I'm like, right, now we're sticking with this. Now we're going to step into your power. What are you capable of? And they're like, oh, I can do anything. I'm like, exactly. And that is the mindset. That's the power. That's when you're like, okay, I've got this. I can do anything. I am powerful. And that's what I like to do. I've got a bit passionate about that there.
Julie Francis (she/her) (22:32)
Yeah!
Yeah,
yeah, you just reflect people right back to themselves. You just are like, yeah.
Becky Louise Smith (23:02)
I'm like, no. as
soon as I wear it, tell me how good you are about yourself. Now, I'm like, give me five things and this is what I do on my Instagram. I'm like, give me two things that you're proud of. Keep saying them, keep thinking them. Be proud of yourself and keep saying it. then when that bit comes through, actually, I feel really proud of myself. Some women haven't felt proud about themselves for ages. That's when you're like, that's the bit.
Julie Francis (she/her) (23:27)
Yeah.
Becky Louise Smith (23:30)
the realization and that's what we work with because once you realize you're worth everything, honestly, you can do anything. I believe that it's true.
Julie Francis (she/her) (23:38)
Yes. Yes, I love your passion. I love your passion and your intensity. And like the thing is with the work you do to cut through things, you have to bring that kind of energy. I shouldn't say you have to. I think there are probably people out there that have different approaches, of course. But like for me in my life and like how I think about things I've been through, I'm so drawn.
Becky Louise Smith (24:02)
to go.
Julie Francis (she/her) (24:08)
to your energy and your approach. And if I was seeking support in that way, I would be like, yes. So I love it. I think it's phenomenal. so yeah, keep bringing it. And the other thing is I love how you point it out, but you don't apologize. Do you know how sometimes people will get really intense or really excited and then they're like, I'm sorry.
Becky Louise Smith (24:18)
Thank you.
Julie Francis (she/her) (24:38)
Like, you're not, did you used to?
Becky Louise Smith (24:39)
I used to, I used to
think for years I'd be like, I'm apologizing for who I am, I'd describe myself, I know I'm too much. And that comes from, again, self-worth. But now I'm like, this is who I am, I'm a nice person, I'm a genuine person. If I'm too much for you, you're not my person, respectfully, let's part ways. But the people that love me, that genuinely love me unconditionally, accept that I'm a very passionate person.
Julie Francis (she/her) (24:58)
Yeah.
Becky Louise Smith (25:08)
there's, I like to say a no BS approach that what you see is what you get. But I'm telling you now that when you've got someone that's like your personal cheerleader bigging you up, there's different coaches, some are like very calming and some people do want that calm, know, that, that, you know, very calming, you know, relaxing. I'm very much about you've got this, we're going to get you there and you are unstoppable. And if that approach is for you, then I'm for you.
Julie Francis (she/her) (25:11)
Yes.
Hmm.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That is so. ⁓ it's so good. So what is something? ⁓ And this does not have to be specifically midlife or related to your WTF moment. Like if you could go back in time and tell yourself one thing,
Becky Louise Smith (25:39)
I'm like, come on!
Julie Francis (she/her) (26:06)
through any of your major difficulties, what would you tell yourself?
Becky Louise Smith (26:13)
that you didn't have to.
Probably that.
How can I word it?
that you didn't have to change who you were to be liked and accepted. That the version of you was enough and that there are people for you. That would probably be the biggest thing, that you didn't have to apologize for who you are. The way you were was perfectly beautiful just the way that you are. That would probably be it. And I think things would have been very different for me. I would probably have picked much healthier relationships. I would have picked friends that were right for me. would have...
I wouldn't have got into such tricky situations, but I at the time was just in a very deep pain and I didn't believe that I was worth much. But fast forward now, you know, you wouldn't, that wouldn't happen again now. I'm absolutely ferocious with it. I mean, as you could probably tell, this is probably where part of it comes from, because I'm like, no, absolutely not.
Julie Francis (she/her) (27:06)
Hehehehe
Yeah, you created a standard for yourself. And you're upholding yourself to it all the time. You have created some really clear boundaries where you're like, no, I'm not going back to that.
Becky Louise Smith (27:22)
Yeah, and thank you. also for anyone that's doing that, some people will not like that, okay, and they might label you difficult or you're a bit of a nag. Like this is I've spoken to people, they don't want to be come across as a nag, right? I could care less. If you think I'm a nag, if I'm in a relationship, and it and there are certain things that, you know, okay, I'll take my marriage, for example, it's take we've been together a very long time. So but there are certain aspects of a relationship, we've got to have compromise, right?
And if there's something in it that I need, I'm not going to be, you can label me whatever you want, but a relationship is 50-50. It's not always 50-50. It could be 90-10 if someone's a bit down. But if a relationship is meant to be, both people will respect you and be able to say what they want. But I think some people worry about, you're labeled difficult if you stand up for yourself. I could care less if you think I'm difficult because I'm not going to be in a situation that's not good for me. And that's what I like to teach.
Julie Francis (she/her) (27:51)
Mm-hmm.
Becky Louise Smith (28:20)
women I work with. Like, don't worry about a label. As long as you're a good person and you're genuine, you can say what you want and it doesn't make you bad person. And a is just, I like to say that because I don't like the word, it's just from someone that clearly doesn't want to give you what you need. So let them and call me a nag all you want. don't care. I don't care.
Julie Francis (she/her) (28:41)
Yeah, it says a lot about them too and where they're coming from. Yeah, it says way more about what's going on from their perspective than anything. Yeah.
Becky Louise Smith (28:44)
Yes.
So much energy coming from here. ⁓ I mean, I'm literally shouting at the screen. I'm so sorry.
Julie Francis (she/her) (28:56)
Yeah.
Don't be, I love it. It's and like, like you said, you will attract the right people and like somebody listening or watching this, whether they're listening to audio or video, like I can feel the energy both ways. Like they're going to be like, that's who I need to talk with. That's who I need to go follow on Instagram because those are the things I need to be hearing. Like, yeah, keep it, keep it coming. Like totally keep it coming.
Becky Louise Smith (29:26)
You
Julie Francis (she/her) (29:29)
So right now, you you've got your, ⁓ you've got your really great business going and you're feeling really powerful and like you are glowing like hell. Like you are doing all the things and supporting others to do the same, which is just absolutely incredible. And what if, like, if you could give,
Becky Louise Smith (29:41)
Yep.
Julie Francis (she/her) (29:58)
And we kind of already talked about this. We kind of already talked about this, but I want to say if you could give one word, let's make it challenging. One word. One word that somebody could lean into when they're navigating their own chaos or something really hard.
Becky Louise Smith (30:11)
⁓ like a challenge, let's do it. Come on, I'm gonna get ready.
Julie Francis (she/her) (30:24)
that could help get them go through. And this is the one word that they think of. What word would you give somebody?
Becky Louise Smith (30:29)
worthy.
Julie Francis (she/her) (30:31)
Hmm.
Yeah.
That's good. Yeah. I had no idea what you were gonna say. We've said, and like that makes sense. Like now that you said it, I'm like, yeah, I can see why you would choose that one. ⁓
Becky Louise Smith (30:37)
What are they?
Julie Francis (she/her) (30:47)
Yeah, that's a good one. so, so easily forgotten or left behind.
Becky Louise Smith (30:58)
Yeah, I mean, for you, example, all this stuff that you're doing, Like, give yourself a minute to recognize all that you're doing, recognize your worth and how amazing and awesome and powerful you are,
Julie Francis (she/her) (31:12)
Thank you.
Becky Louise Smith (31:13)
just to take a minute
and be like, yeah, yeah.
Julie Francis (she/her) (31:17)
Yeah, I so it's really funny whenever I'm doing these episodes, I always have a conversation with somebody about something exactly that I need to hear right now. And like, I really feel like I needed this one. I there's always something but ⁓ yeah, I personally needed your energy and your insight and your like what you're this.
Becky Louise Smith (31:29)
Hahaha!
Julie Francis (she/her) (31:45)
power that you're bringing to it and thank you. Thank you for that. Thank you.
Becky Louise Smith (31:50)
Of
course. You know what I do with people? I'm like, tell me one good thing you love about yourself today. So I'm gonna say to you, tell me one good thing you love about yourself today. There's loads, there's tons. What do you love about yourself?
Julie Francis (she/her) (32:00)
Yeah.
Oh gosh, I'll think of one. Let's see. What do I love about myself? I love that no matter what, I find ways to keep going. Even if I'm a slug that's super sad, I will move at a slug's pace to do the thing. Or if I need to cry, I cry. If I need to...
go and be wild and like dance around or you know, ⁓ I love that. That is something internal that I developed over my many years and sometimes I remember being like, is it gone? And then, you know, after a day or two of just plotting along, I'm like, ⁓ there it is.
There it is. And that is what I always have to remember to Stoke because that's one of my biggest.
skills, talents. not, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's a skill. I feel like it's an innate skill that I've, I almost want to say that I've developed because I think a certain amount of that has always been there. I feel like ⁓ when my mom has told me stories about our Irish heritage,
Becky Louise Smith (33:07)
Yes? You gotta say it all? You gotta say it with your chest? Come on!
Yeah.
Yes.
Julie Francis (she/her) (33:34)
She reminds me of these really powerful kind of gruff Irish women and I have a lot of grit, which is some of what I bring into what I'm developing now with Wild Bait reflective and holistic chaos. And it's that grit that even when things are shitty, I can find the silver lining or at least the thing to keep going towards. So.
Becky Louise Smith (33:46)
Yeah, I love it
Yes, nice. Resilient, see? Powerful. Come on.
Julie Francis (she/her) (34:03)
Thank you. Yeah. Thank
you. Yeah. ⁓ that felt nice. That felt delightful to share and be asked. Thank you.
Becky Louise Smith (34:13)
Good, good.
Celebrate yourself always. You've got to be your biggest cheerleader, right?
Julie Francis (she/her) (34:19)
Yeah, we sometimes we're all we've got, you know, not that not that our family or friends don't support us, but they're trying to keep their buoys at the top of the wave. Like, you know, we we've all got to reach into ourselves so that we can then support others. And yeah, thank you. Oh, there's
Becky Louise Smith (34:22)
100%.
Please.
Julie Francis (she/her) (34:41)
Before we go today, is there anything else that you would love to share or say? Like, I just feel like you probably have something wonderful that you'd love to close with. That was really wonderful. Like what you just closed, it's like we totally could close with that. But I wanna end the episode with something from your perspective.
Becky Louise Smith (35:02)
My perspective is don't, this is something I say often on my socials, but don't let anyone try to make you feel you're less than what you are. They don't have the power, first of all, but that you matter, that you're so worthy, you're powerful and you're strong and those unique traits, those things that no one else has, that uniqueness about you is what makes you beautifully you and you shouldn't have to change for anyone and that you've got this.
Julie Francis (she/her) (35:29)
Yes. Yes. Yes. We both do. We've totally got this. We're going to make sure that our people feel that way as well.
Becky Louise Smith (35:30)
And you've got this, right? Yes, yes. We both do.
100%, 100%. I could talk to you for hours, by the way. Absolutely hours.
Julie Francis (she/her) (35:45)
I tell.
I could tell you, I wish we lived closer, you know, not with an ocean in between. Yeah, we'll go down and get some tea, probably go for a walk, maybe. That sounds wonderful.
Becky Louise Smith (35:49)
Right, just pop on a plane and come on over, all right?
⁓ have you had a cooked breakfast
before? Have you had a proper English cooked breakfast before? ⁓ that's what I take you. Yeah.
Julie Francis (she/her) (36:02)
No, I love breakfast too. All right,
cool. I'm a big breakfast person. Yeah. Cool. Nice. Thank you so much, Becky. This has been so much fun.
Becky Louise Smith (36:08)
Good, good. All right. Wicked.
Thank you. It's been an honor and you're an absolute delight. I wish you all the success. I'll talk to you again though at some point. I'd love to. And yet thank you. This is epic. And honestly, you're going to do amazing things. I appreciate you loads.
Julie Francis (she/her) (36:24)
Absolutely.
Thank you so much. And I know you are too. And yes, we are going to be in touch. I'm sure we'll collaborate more as well. You too. Bye. ⁓
Becky Louise Smith (36:34)
100 % I'd love that. Alright my love you take care. Bye! ⁓
In this episode, I sit down with Becky Louise Smith, a survivor of domestic violence and an empowerment coach who helps survivors reclaim their self worth and learn how to love again.
Becky shares the midlife moment that changed everything. She was told she needed to be “more resilient” at work after months of being unsupported and mistreated. That single word hit a nerve, not because she was weak, but because she had already survived so much. It became the moment she stopped performing, stopped shrinking, and decided she was no longer available for spaces that did not respect her.
We talk about what resilience actually is. How the ability to feel deeply can be a form of strength. Why crying is not a lack of capacity, but often proof of it. Becky shares the non negotiables that keep her grounded, including movement, rest, and returning to gratitude and presence. We also explore the inner shift that happens when you start filtering your life through simple questions like: Does this protect my peace? Do I feel respected here? Am I safe in myself?
This conversation is for anyone who has been told they are too emotional, too intense, too much. It is also for anyone who has spent years trying to earn belonging by making themselves smaller.
If you are navigating a hard chapter of life, rebuilding after heartbreak, or learning how to choose yourself again, let this be a reminder.
Your feelings do not make you fragile. They make you real.
And you are worthy.
Connect with Becky (she/her)
Instagram: https://beckylouisesmith
Facebook: https://beckylouisesmith
LinkedIn: https://beckylouisesmith
